feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
