Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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