i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Quick, to the slutcave!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
