I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
