sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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