five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
