He is an equal opportunity slut.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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