i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
