Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
