Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
