Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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