you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Vodka?
Forever.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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