i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
