apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He felt like a one man threesome
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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