You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
