i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Even my vagina gasped.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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