New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
