He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
