I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
