I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
