the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
