at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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