I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
