In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
