well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
