Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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