If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
