i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
