Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
