so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
