I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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