i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
