For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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