just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
