Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
