ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
