My balls are so social today.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
