you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If that was your dad, he is hot
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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