the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
