We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
