get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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