What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
