It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
