Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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