Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
