Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Watching her eat just hurts me
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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