The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
