Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
