i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You dont lie about slip and slides
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
