He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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