my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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