i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Success! We fucked roommates!
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