Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
