went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
