me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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