you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i will never coherently bang her
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
