some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
