my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
